Ready for a Deep Dive on DEI? Here’s My Insight from Our Four-Year Journey.

It’s time for radical honesty.

I’m happy to share what I’ve learned about diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) with others. In fact, I view it as part of my job. When I started in my new role as DEI manager more than four years ago, I appreciated anyone who made the time to talk with me—so I’m happy to pay it forward.

In the past year, though, I’ve been inundated with requests to talk about DEI. As much as I’d like to honor all of the requests, I just don’t have the time to honor all of them. (Hence, this blog post, which addresses a number of the ideas I want to share with my colleagues at other organizations.)

You can’t change if you don’t listen.

Recently a foundation invited me to share my insights on DEI. Since we’re still in a pandemic, I joined via a video call with a handful of people from the organization, who told me they were in the early stages of their DEI journey.

I agreed to join this particular meeting because a colleague specifically asked me to attend, and because a person of color (POC)-led organization I support recommended that the foundation reach out to me.

During the Zoom call, I swear I said really good stuff—like how DEI can’t be separated from organizational culture, how DEI needs to be organization wide, and how to cultivate conversations about uncomfortable topics. After some remarks, I paused for questions.

Their first questions made it clear they hadn’t really listened. And, further, maybe they weren’t interested in learning as a way to actually make change.

Their response was, essentially: “But can you tell me exactly what to do about a way we can show we’re committed to DEI externally? Do you think it’s okay to ask our staff members of color to handle it for us?”

Something snapped inside me. My jaw tightened, and the heat started to rise in my body.

The pressures are cumulative.

I’d spent the last few months feeling intense anger, grief, and tension with the Chauvin trial and the murder of Daunte Wright nearby, occasioning the presence of militarized police in the Twin Cities. And I was still reeling from the mass murder of Asian women in Atlanta.

In the midst of all that, I joined a virtual staff meeting where others were bantering about mundane things. I sat on camera, not participating because, honestly, it took a lot of energy to even show up.

Later in the meeting, I had a sudden urge to cry, so I turned off my camera to do just that as the meeting continued. I’m glad I didn’t hold in that emotion. But it made me realize my spirit was off. I needed regrounding.

A few weeks after the Atlanta shootings, a fellow co-worker, who’s a person of color, said to me in an all-staff meeting, “We’re with you. We stand by you. We’re sending you good prayers and energy.”

I recognized his statement for what it was: a shared understanding of pain and trauma out of one’s control. I didn’t realize just how much I needed to hear that from a co-worker until he voiced it.

I’m often the caregiver in my organization. Some of the most important work I do is reaching out individually to support fellow staff members. My other key responsibility is speaking out with hard truths and creating the conditions for others to do the same.

Radical honesty clears the air and forges connections.

Let’s go back to the meeting with this other foundation. In that moment of rising frustration, I decided what this group really needed was some radical honesty or straight talk. When I finally spoke, my voice was calm but full of conviction. I said something like:

NO. If you haven’t built a relationship with these staff members of color—if you’re just reaching out now for their labor, but you haven’t done anything to support them and their needs recently, please don’t.

My voice was raw as I continued:

I need you to pause and really consider: Do you want change? Don’t ask staff people of color to give you thoughts if you’re not serious about heeding their advice and putting significant resources behind their ideas.

To make change, you must be willing to give up power and let go of the way things have always been done. And you should build meaningful relationships with staff of color long before you ask for their help addressing institutional inequities.

I’m getting emotional because I’m tired of people and organizations that say they’re committed to DEI but don’t actually want change (especially not long-term change). Many of us are trying to figure out ways to dismantle dominant culture, policies, and practices internally. Our Foundation is struggling with this too; I’m here with you. And asking yourself if you really want change is a very important step.

Whew. Deep breath.

As I talked, I saw one of their staff members of color—whom I don’t know, and who was quiet for most of the meeting—break into a big grin. When I paused for a breath, he burst out, “Finally! Yes! Thank you!” His whole body showed a different engagement. He rolled back his shoulders and clapped his hands together. With a new gleam in his eyes, he said he had questions for me.

Thank goodness, I thought. Our mutual affirmation in that moment was worth the discomfort. I hope my words changed something, but even if they didn’t, I’m glad I voiced my own truth to his colleagues.

I’m not sharing this story to shame the other foundation. We all have different starting points, and it’s an encouraging step to reach out and learn from other organizations about their DEI journeys.

I can’t prevent my colleagues leading DEI efforts from having similarly frustrating encounters, especially if they’re a person of color, but I can share some of the strategies that have helped me forge ahead.

We’re not alone.

Wherever you are on your DEI journey, keep listening toward change. It’s not easy to advance DEI within our organizations, but I’m glad we’re doing it. You’re not alone. We’re pushing our organizations to be better internally because we know it will make a difference to the communities we serve.

Keep speaking radical truth.

Keep speaking up about social justice.

Keep dismantling systems that don’t serve racial justice.

Keep sharing your institutional power.

Keep on healing on all the levels.

And after you generate your list of what you need in this moment and in the long term, please share your wisdom with others. We must take care of each other—the value of “heart” is really at the center of DEI work. In truth, it’s more vital and sustaining than any DEI plan or tool we can create.